Neon Genesis MegamiSama!
by Lucrecia X
Summary: What takes place in a world where the Angels are no longer the source of the threat... but exist as the only insurance of survival for humankind? ...in this particular instance, the answer is likely absolute lunacy. A blending of Evangelion with O!MG.
1. Be careful what you didn't really wish f...

_The year is 2030. Second Impact has occured, and the world as humankind knows it has been reduced to a shadow of its former self. Scarcely a third of modern civilization remains intact, and less can likely be said for the population amount as a whole. _

_During times like this, one might wonder... Where was God? Where were the angels?  
...Weren't they supposed to keep tragedies like this from happening...?_

_In this peculiar world, the answer to this inquiry is notably dual-sided._

_It was their fault it happened in the first place._

_...now, they're going to ensure it never happens again._

_For this purpose, the Heavens have enlisted their brightest stars to act as Chosens to prevent a probable third impact, and even seek out others... potentially even mortals.. to keep the cycle operating smoothly._

_It was on a calm Thursday afternoon, somewhere in Tokyo-3's downtown district, where a certain Goddess First Class had been called upon for one of these recruitment tasks._

_Unbeknownst to all this... there resided a single uninspired student teenager._

_Who was about to receive what was simultaneously the opportunity of a lifetime...  
...and the burden of all humankind's continued existence_.

* * *

Keiichi Morisato frowned somewhere within his shared, threadbare Nekomi Tech dormitory, located somewhere within a certain aforementioned district, continually trying to ignore the sound of his own growling stomach. It had long since become routine. 

"Darn it, I'm starving... Better order some take-out."

With that declared, a bundle of partly-scribbled upon notes were shoved aside, forgotten for preference of a rotary dial phone, which was soon picked up, and hastily dialed upon.  
A rather good thing it was considered a college staple for students to memorize the 'Delivery' section of any and every given phone book.

...Of course, following many naturally unsuccessful attempts later...  
It was a miracle that prevented Keiichi from resorting to the dreaded action of going out to eat.

"Hello, Gainax Imitation Noodles? I wanted to order a..."  
"Good afternoon! You've reached the Goddess Recruitment Center!  
I'll be stopping by for an immediate consultation!"  
"The Godd-... Wait a second, there has to be some sort of mis-...!" ...click.

In the wasted minutes during which Keiichi scratched at his head, and tried to figure out what just happened, the meanwhile-occuring instance of a glimmering wall mirror behind him went unnoticed. As it continually did when the glass surface began to ripple as would a pool of water... and become a portal, through which a slender, notably feminine figure slowly eased through the 'gateway' of.

By the time Keiichi had decided to look over his shoulder, it was right into the smiling face of a woman of striking beauty that could be nothing short of unearthy in nature.  
That registered first, her pecularly formal and flashy dress-attire was a distant second.

"Hello! Am I interrupting?"  
The male scream that took place a fifth of an instant later registered what was later recorded as an 0.5 on a Richter Scale somewhere in suburban Texas.

* * *

"Kami-sama, Belldandy has made contact with the Third Child."  
"Good, things are progressing as according to plan, then... Commander Peorth." 

Somewhere within the notably serene interior of Heaven Central Dogma, the rather calm comment carried with it enough potency to detonate a continent. Fortunately, none of present company were affected.  
Angels were rather audibly-developed when it came to these circumstances.

"Yes, Almighty," came the obedient response from the cloaked woman, also possessing of an angelic radiance that seemed rather contagious, if one took into account the array of present company.  
"See to it that the Second and Fourth Children are alerted, as well.  
"SEELE has made it clear no delays will be tolerated, as I'm certain you're aware."  
"...Of course, Kami-sama."  
"Very well, carry on... and be on guard.

"Once the advent of the Thirteen Devils has commenced... "  
The shadowed deity hesitated, before a shrouded visage rested upon folded hands.  
"Third Impact will not be far behind."

Neon Genesis  
_Megami-Sama!_

_An absurdly blended parody/crossover,  
(inspired by Neon Genesis Evangelion &  
Ah! Megami-Sama / Oh! My Goddess)_

_(Apologies to GAINAX and Kousuke Fujishima,  
I wouldn't have come up with this if I didn't love your works. )_

_(Special thanks to Robyn for casting assistances.)_


	2. When it rains, it pours.

Neon Genesis  
_Megami-Sama! _

Chapter One.

"...Who the hell are you...!?" The frantic scream was released as Keiichi dove back against the fragile wall of the dormitory, in the meantime of which the Goddess before him glided out from the mirror in an elegant traversal, coming to a perfect landing upon uncovered, delicate feet, the possessing woman of whom was smiling politely to the student all the while.

"..I am very sorry for startling you so, Mister Morisato." Ever the image of formality, the Goddess bowed a sincere gesture of apology, before she straightened, and continued.  
"I am Belldandy, Goddess First Class, Heaven High Devil Countenance Organization, Recruitment Division.. Designate Third Child. Pleased to meet you!" The lengthy introduction complete, she smiled warmly, and proceeded to patiently allow Keiichi's mortal mind to take the weighty amount of information to heart.

"...Ok. What do you want?" Forget that, he'd try and figure out what all that mess the ...startlingly polite woman had ranted on meant another day.  
"Why, I'm here to recruit you for the Heaven Defense Coordinations, of course! Designate Keiichi Morisato, First Child, Mortal Zero Class." Proceedures that she went through with unwavering politeness, stated as cooly as one would a standard medical procedure.

"...What are you talking about..?! I'm no soldier..! I never even signed up for the draft!" On second thought, he shouldn't have admitted that much information.. but it was too late, by then, wasn't it?

"Why, that's of no consequence whatsoever... You'll be trained by the very best in personnel, of course, no previous experience required!  
"There is one thing, however..."

"...What's that...?" Keiichi wondered, with a sigh as he leaned back against the wall, arms folded over his midrift in an impatient manner.. Here came the catch, he well knew.

"You have to truly desire the will to assist humanity in your heart, or it will be of no use.. and.. as per the Heaven Defense Parameter Associate contract, you are additionally permitted," in mid sentence, to solidfy the seriousness of the statement, the angelic woman held out a single index finger.  
"..A single wish."

"..A wish...? You mean... I can have... anything?"  
Keiichi couldn't help but smile in dreamy ponderings at this thought, mist filling his clouded mind as he began to dwell on the possibilies.

"..Like this...?"  
_"No, I get to massage Keiichi-sama next!"  
"No, me!" "You went last time!"  
"Now now, ladies... You may all go at once!" _

"...Or ... this...?"  
"_Winner of the Tokyo Drag Race 500, and one million yen, Keiichi Morisato!" _

"...Or... or even ...this...!?"

We're awful sorry, everyone, budget ran short, we couldn't make the set budget for the third fantasy's filming. We now continue with your regularly scheduled parody, all ready in progress. --auth.

"Oh my. Those are... awfully elaborate dreams, Mr. Morisato.. but yes, you may have whatever you like.. but we tend not to enter into deals with persons who would wish for things so... outlandish. Only individuals of special personality are chosen, you understand.. It's a great honor, to be one of kind heart like yourself." Belldandy again smiled warmly, hoping she wasn't intruding too much by seating herself at the table's nearby end, across from the considerably backed-off Keiichi.

"...Uh-huh, I think I get you..."  
The student sighed with a pause, looking down to the floor contemplatively... if this was all true, then it really was the opportunity of a lifetime...! ...but what if his sempai were just playing an elaborate joke on him, like they were so want to do...? What kind of fool did they take him for, anyway...? _'It's not like it's my fault I'm the only dateless resident... geez, this is low, even for Tami-'_

"You mean you don't have a girlfriend?" The gentle inquiry from the ever-patient woman interjected right in the middle of Keiichi's thought process, the possessor of whom blinked a number of times at the girl's seeming frightfully-utilized personality observance skills.  
"It seems so unusual a kind person like yourself remains single for such a lengthened period, Mister Morisato," she continued, unhindered by her companion's vivid startlement. One grew used to this after a millenia or two.

"All right... all right, hold the phone here," Keiichi muttered in low response, head shaken lightly as he deterred the subject from its undesirable path. This was getting too elaborate, even for a scheme cooked up by his less-than-mentally-stable dormmates.. he had to put a stop to it, and the sooner, the better.  
Within moments, Keiichi looked up with a brightened expression, having devised the perfect means to do so.  
"...Wait, I think I've got my wish," he commented across the table in the other person's direction, smirking proudly as he did so. Keiichi was going to turn the tables on those tricksters in their own game, yes indeed.

"Have you decided already?" Belldandy smiled brightly, relieved that this had gone so well, so fast.. it typically took a Chosen an average of two months to render such a decision. Of course, the last one wasn't the most sharp of persons... even if Mister Hibiki had been nothing but polite, he was rather slow in the recollection department..

One way or the other, Keiichi was going to find out just what was behind all this, and just to what extent. It'd be a temperate day in Hokkaido before his sempai got the best of him.  
"I... want..." (_'...wait a second... Hokkaido is temperate... damn it.').. _With each word slowly released in the midst of his thought-infused declaration, Keiichi slowly builded considerable emotional backing, before an index finger was thrust dramatically forward to the woman before him, who recoiled in quiet stunned perplexion.  
"...a person... like you... to be my girlfriend, forever!"  
_'Heh heh... see what you think about that one, Tamiya...'  
_  
Keiichi had been expectedly prepared for a great many responses to come. His sempai revealing themselves in the midst of their ruined scheme, sure. A slap to the face from the woman, maybe... she seemed too nice for that, though.  
A beam of light erupting from that same person's forehead, which tore through the ceiling above, and shot straight for the heavens like a detonated rocket?  
Suffice it to say, the latter of the options that actually took place wasn't prepared for in the slightest.  
In the middle of a frantic cry's releasal, Keiichi threw his arms up for protection from the violent wind storm that suddenly shot up in the wake of the woman's vivrant energy relesal, wincing as he was thrown to collide against the wooden wall just behind him.

"What in the...?" The faded end to the question was drowned out by the resonating hum of the continually present beam, which resonated with a faint blue glow as Belldandy soundlessly.. floated in stasis between the floor and ceiling, as if patiently awaiting response.  
If this had been the truth of the matter, one must have been received.. for just as abruptly as the blast took place, it ceased existence, as the again-smiling Belldandy returned her attentions to the stunned Keiichi, addressing him in a jubilant, successful tone.  
"I'm pleased to inform you, after extensive consultation with SEELE High Command itself, that your wish has been approved!"

By the moment in which Keiichi's initial comatose-like state had finally worn off, his initial response was to blink a numbering of times, again, and lowly comment, as one would when just awakened from a nightmare.

"...You mean that ... you and I are... going to be?..."  
"...Together on this plane of existence as a couple? Of course! Approved wishes are taken quite seriously by the Almighty, Keiichi-san, and this one is no exception.. Upon approval, a wish is immediately put into effect, and permanetly binding."  
"...Wait a second, now...!" This exclaimation was interjected by the worried, forward taken gesture of Keiichi's hands taking firm hold of the woman's lightly attired shoulders, as if to snap her out of whatever trance she was hopefully raving under the influence of.  
"I wasn't serious...! It was just a j-..."

It went without saying, an instant later, that the last thing the abruptly-arrived pack of dormitory residents... the largest of whom slammed the thin door aside like paper-mache.. expected to bear witness to was the sight of their youngest resident with company. Female company.  
Attractive, extravagantly-clothed female company, whom Keiichi somehow developed the courage to take passionate hold of.

Among other emotions such as rage and disbelief, the initial emotion that came to the observing Tamiya's mind was one of envy.

"..Morisato! Dormitory Code #316-A, Subdirectory Gamma, Line 37 clearly dictates that no resident of Nekomi Tech's luxurious," the massive, apparent 'leader' of the swaggering pack behind him gestured about the compacted, disarrayed dormitory with a prideful outcasted arm's reach, "dormitories shall, under any circumstances, be allowed unauthorized female visitors!"

"Righteous moves, Morisato... Didn't think you had it in ya'," was the smirked comment of Tamiya's thinner associate, Ootaki, who gave a bit of a drunken 'thumbs-up' in the frozen Keiichi's direction, and his conversely smiling, polite associate, who merely bowed her head in a formal greeting to the small group of unexpected guests.

"Why, good evening... Are you Mister Morisato's classmates...? It's quite a pleasure to meet you." Belldandy calmly smiled and again gave a half bow of her bowed visage in the group's direction, who meanwhile had intently begun storming closer to the couple's respective location.

"Morisato," the deep-voiced Tamiya continued, unhindered, and rather forebodingly. "You do know the ramifications of breaking Code #316-A."  
"Line 37," Ootaki added.

"..Not Retaliatory Measure #36...!" Keiichi fearfully recalled the well-known punishment for violating any dormitory measure, particularly one so regarded of such high importance.

"...Shall be," Tamiya continued, before he, and his gathering of assocates finished the statement, perfectly attuned with one another, as if on cue.  
"...CAST OUT!"

It was worth noting that this verbally-reminded threat would have been a great deal more fear inspiring as was intended, had not a massive explosion tore through the educational district of Nekomi Tech, the resulting shockwave of which knocked all present to the ground in pained positionings, except for a lone, bewildered Belldandy, who glanced about at the demolished dormitory, which would likely become inflamed in mere moments, and added, simply:  
"Oh my."

* * *

The towering emerald creature had appeared instaneously from the sky, far too swift a time frame during which any sentinent being could respond accordingly. The monstrosity was quick to take advantage of this fact, of course, and as such, it proceeded to unleash a barrage of energetic-beamed assaults upon the buildings arrayed before it, many of which went down in detonated piles of collapsed rubble.

Had the Third Devil been capable of emotional response to this destruction it was the apparent inciting source of, it would have smiled.


	3. High maintenance

Neon Genesis_  
Megami-Sama!_

_Chapter Two._

"Report." The command came simply and efficiently, regardless of the view screen displaying the blocks of decimated blocks before his seated presence... He had seen worse.

"We're still waiting for confirmation, sir, but... preliminary scans indicate that we are dealing with the Third Devil..."

"Then you know what needs to be done." The shadowed face remained obscured behind folded, gloved hands.

"Of course, but... the Children are neither assembled, nor prepared..."

"Then assemble them, and prepare them."

"Yes, sir."

Peorth turned away, maintaining a subdued tone to the resigned sigh that followed. It was too soon. She knew that. Surely He knew that too. But His will was absolute, of course. It was supposed to be infallible as well. At least, the gathered personnel certainly hoped as such, now more than ever.

She knew what came next, and it left her with an even greater sense of foreboding than her superior's vague instructions had.

"Find Megumi's whereabouts."

"Well, ma'am... you see..."

The youthful girl at the leftmost control panel hesitated, staring at the blinking indicator on her view screen with a quizzical, worried expression. She wasn't going to like this one bit. The communications officer bit her lip, and braced for the worst. "The Major's already left."

* * *

Kisaragi ran down the impossibly lengthy corridors just outside the secretarial offices, with an overwhelming amount of paperwork in hand. Her reports were late, she was late, and worse, she didn't have her coffee that morning. Above all that, if she didn't deliver them within the next hour, she was a dead girl, or worse, she was going to get assigned to New Jersey again. Even serving Lucifer was less terrifying; at least they offered medical. 

The tall female allowed herself a sigh of relief as she skidded to a stop outside her manager's office. She shifted her weight to hold the files in one arm, and brought her other hand up to knock.

Within a moment after, a violent shockwave came down the hall, knocking her off her feet, and the piles of paperwork were blasted far beyond seeing distance.

"Not again..."

* * *

The communications officers had all covered their ears in advance. Some even ducked under their desks. Most would have fled if their jobs allowed. None of it would have helped.

"She. **WHAT**." Peorth's words were spoken without the slightest movement, but everyone felt it. Fortunately, all gathered were accustomed to dealing with the retaliation of an angered Second Command. It was almost a requirement. The room was still vibrating for a good thirty seconds or so while she continued. While the shrouded commander remained as unmoving as ever, even His glasses shook momentarily. They were adjusted without delay.

"Curse that woman. Where did she go!?"

The girl from earlier finally collected herself, and sat up with a nervous look towards the imposing female. "Um, you see, ma'am... according to this, she..." A weak smile, with the most innocent of expressions. "She's seems to be headed to the Chosen's location."

The cloaked female didn't reply that time. Her expression spoke volumes. Peorth was having a good day, fortunately. Which was good. The budget couldn't afford to replace any more control panels. Her arms folded, nails pressing firmly into her elbows.

"Find her, before I kill her."

"Y-...yes, ma'am."

* * *

"Okay. Girlfriend. Goddess. Devil. Whatever the hell you are! WHAT WAS THAT!?" 

Keiichi got up from the pile of debris, looking rather well, all things considered. One could imagine he was lucky to be alive, yet he seemed unusually resilient. The rest of the dormitory's occupants weren't so lucky. The ones that weren't buried were out like a light, foremost of which were Tamiya and Ootaki, stars dancing in their eyes. Keiichi didn't seem worried about them.

Had he not been in such intense demand for answers, he might have noticed the most unusual factor in the post-apocalyptic situation. Even he had gotten messed up from a blast like that. Who wouldn't have? His clothes were a mess, and there were scratches in places he didn't even want to examine, but he'd live. His visitor? His '_girlfriend_'?

Belldandy sat there as calmly as ever, hands folded in her lap as if nothing had happened. From a look at the female, it would seem that had been the case. Her appearance was as flawless as ever. Not a hair or cloth out of place. It was as if all the debris had gone out of its way to avoid the woman.

From the looks of the expansive sphere of clear space surrounding her, it seemed like it had.

"Oh, that... you see, Keiichi..." She began innocently, trying to put this in terms her newfound companion would understand. Being told about preordained destruction could be a little of an overwhelming burden to the average mortal. Especially when it involved the towering creature a few miles off to the east, to whom she gave a fair nod.

"That would be a Devil... one of thirteen, if memory serves." Her words were difficult enough for Keiichi. The continually sweet disposition she maintained was of little real assurance.

Keiichi's hands clenched. It was her fault. It had to be. The devil woman had brought the thing to kill them all! He had read about their kind in science fiction. They came with sweet faces and innocent demeanors. They always did. Then later there was torture, suffering, destruction... strangely enough, the victim had never seemed to mind the first two that much.

Though, who was he kidding. He couldn't be angry at someone that sweet-natured. Not for long, anyway. "Okay... what, is it doing here!"

"Oh, you see, it's here to kill us all."

"Of course it is..."

"Well, it has its reasons..." The Goddess got up... or perhaps, glided was the more accurate phrase, as an unseen wind seemed to bring her to her feet, turning to neatly dust off the debris which lined a wall's chalkboard that happened to be one of the few remaining objects of the decimated building. She looked from left to right, and found a piece of chalk. "Ah, there we are."

Keiichi stood there dumbfounded as Belldandy drew out an elaborate diagram of mathematical equations, geometrical diagrams, and... stick figures.

"It was once foretold that after the coming of the millennium, the Devils which had slumbered in wait would eventually arise, one after the other," the female tapped the chalk against a particularly tall stick figure, which had an unnerving, curved smile on its rounded face. She turned to Keiichi with a tilt of her head towards the chalkboard. "To wipe out humanity, and return the planet's rule to the demons."

"I'm sorry I asked."

"Yes, most usually don't want to know..."

"Okay, fine." Keiichi sighed. He could buy into everything that had happened so far. Considering that, the existence of a massive demon hell bent on complete destruction wasn't too hard to believe.

"Can't you stop it? You're a Goddess, right?!"

"Well, yes, but... our power is limited, you see. We're not meant to deal with the Devils ourselves. This is where humans come into play." A radiant smile given, before Belldandy continued.

"As the legend goes, since humans were responsible for the initial ascent of the demons," a chalk piece tapped a sketch of a apple tree, "they will be the ones to rid us of the Devils for good!"

Her hands folded before her with a pleasant expression. "You understand why this is considered an honor by now, don't you?"

"...I want a refund."

She hesitated, and gave a sigh, before going into the calm, effortless delivering of a prepared statement. "Any dealings taken with a Goddess or any representative of Heaven, as per Tertiary Clause 75329104-Gamma-Beta, dictates than any wish to revoke a contract must be delivered within fifteen seconds of initial binding."

"Never mind."

"Yes, that's the response we generally receive." Belldandy smiled.

"So what do you expect me to do!? Challenge it to a race?" Keiichi waved a hand indicatively off towards where his motorcycle... usually was. He glanced off in that direction with a sigh. He'd have to find it later, no doubt.

"Of course not. Heaven has specially designated counter-demonic technology specially suited to this sort of event. It's been prepared for a few centuries, now."

"...what kind of technology?" Keiichi stared at her blankly with a skeptical tone. Somehow, he knew where this was going.

"Humanoid mecha, of course!"

"Heaven couldn't come up with something more original?

"We're afraid not. It's part of our contract with Bandai©."

Keiichi didn't want to ask. He decided not to.

"Well, at least you aren't employing magical girls."

"Actually, they're on vacation this week..." Belldandy paused, and looked to one side. "Keiichi, you may want to move..."

He looked off to the side with a blank expression, and saw what the girl meant. A bright red convertible was heading their way, at top speed. By the time he looked, it had skidded right past the remains of the dormitory, turning completely around to skid to a stop inches shy of having torn Keiichi's legs off.

"Well, hurry up! Are you two lovebirds getting in, or aren't you!?" The female sighed, and sat back against the driver's seat, fixing an impatient look to the duo as she adjusted her shades, waiting off to the side of the opened passenger door. Her fingers rhythmically tapped against the dashboard in a tired display. "Slow as ever."

"It can't be..." Keiichi knew that voice, and wished more than ever that the nightmare was about to end. He glanced to the short female, and amidst mixed feelings about how she'd gotten that kind of ride, not to mention such trashy fashion sense, he could only manage one response. "Megumi."

_Great. A Goddess shanghais me into a relationship, a demon is destroying Japan, and now my sister shows up. _

_What's next? _

_We're glad you asked!_

_Coming sooner or later:_

_Neon Genesis Megami-Sama: Chapter Three._

_Devils! Angels! _

_Enough savagely mutilated character revisions to put Kousuke Fujishima into a diabetic coma!_

_And there'll be more fan service, too._

_(fan service not included, see author for details)_


End file.
